A Selfish Act of Selflessness

This is my take on the dilemma we implicate ourselves in, when more often than not, the answer is as obvious as gravity that we encounter everyday but sometimes fail to acknowledge is presence.
(Let me warn you, I have a habit of following a very peculiar train of thought and I beg your pardon if I digress and completely miss the point. I'll try my best to get around to it..)

There are different kinds of situations that we humans embroil ourselves into. The most common one is viewing a nice gesture through our cynical goggles. Doubting it and fearing the obligations that might follow if that act of kindness of selflessness is accepted. Not chiding any one who looks at random philanthropy with distrust, I'm sure they have their own reasons for it. I know I have mine.

Everyone carries a certain baggage with themselves which might be a residue from past relationships or experiences. But are all the failed relationships and malicious, virulent previous experiences enough to make us into misanthropes? Is humankind truly a lost cause, with the world festered with enough selfish and malevolent people that the true good deeds are inconsequential? Or are true protagonists as real as a red herring?

I like to believe that humans, by nature are selfish creatures. Our sense of self preservation drives us to do many covetous and at times, heinous acts. This ideology helps me to make peace with a lot of my ghosts from the past. But at the same time, I think benevolence too, can be a by product of selfishness. We like to do things for the people we care about, sometimes there are expectations attached to them, sometimes there aren't.

If we do accept a certain compassion from someone, are we obligated to return it at some point of time? Well, I say, what difference does it make? Compassion is an emotion that is an involuntary response to a situation which one can relate to and has experienced previously. The obligation of being compassionate to another to "return the favour" is a very hollow act, and not compassion in the first place. People can see through these hollow gestures as if to see through a looking glass. And the picture on the other end is just as grotesque, a disfigured silhouette of some one we know. Or so we thought.

Sometimes, I wish was psychopath. (A common misconception is that all psychopaths are serial killers and murderers.) Apart from the infamy that is appended with psychopathy, I think they have it easy; ofcourse, apart from the fact that can't actually feel any emotion. At times I wonder, how it would be, to use emotions like mathematicians use numbers and variables to solve equations. Conjuring up the right emotion at the right time, to suit themselves best. Now, wanting that makes me one of the selfish people out there which I mentioned earlier, oh wait, I said humans by nature were selfish. Phew...
This wishful thinking is the cause of the exhaustion that follows when contemplating whether or not to accept help. The bottom line is that we all are greedy. And to misquote Shelby Steele, most of the greed displayed by us is a sin of thoughtlessness and convenience, rather than that of conscious avarice.

There are certain emotions which are next to impossible to fake; even by the the most vetted psychopaths or compulsive liars. Compassion and empathy being the prime examples. Although they might be expressed and spent with a certain air of selfishness and expectations, they are genuine nonetheless. When it comes to someone you care, you are there for them; when it comes to someone you "love", you move mountains for them. Friends, family, lovers, life partners, all alike, expend these emotions with expecting something or the other in return. It might be as precious as trust, dependency, accountability; or as trifle as wanting to see that flicker of a smile on the other person's face.

The person on the receiving end of these gestures, is weary of acknowledging and accepting them. More often than not, they are just a way of showing that you care, nothing more, nothing less. The key to identifying them is to just reflect on the nature of the relationship you share with that person. Life is too short for thinking that everyone has an ulterior motive. Look at the world with contempt and skepticism and that is all you will get in return.

As the old Russian proverb goes, "Trust, but verify"