The Quarter Life Crisis Of the NINJA Generation.

What I've observed in recent times is that my generation is dealing with a new dilemma. One that I tout “post-quarter life crises” This kicks in at any time between 26 to 35. Where you realise that you are in a thankless job and suddenly feeling insignificant. People around you have travelled the world and have tales to tell. The vagabond wanderers which were maimed as social pariahs have actually “lived” their life where as you, who actually took up a job after college in hopes of a better life is actually shouldering the burden of the worlds populace. The steady and fix income that you sought after has now suddenly become your crutch. Its become your heroine, something which you can't do without. And there is no rehab out there to get you rid of this dependence.

Most of us “working-class” people, when we gather at our local watering hole, talk about the same thing, getting out of this rat-race. We talk about our end-games, our way-outs. We discuss our entrepreneurial visions and dreams. We've been doing this for years now, with no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone in my professional circle has the same idea. Earn enough to save and invest in a business, be your own boss. We envy our friends for following their dreams and curse our cowardice for taking the safe route. But the bitter irony is, this illusive “safe” route turned out to be the most deceitful.

In one hand we have the ever so tempting managerial role, the one that got us into this predicament. We have put in our blood, sweat and tears into reaching here. Calling quits with the elusive finish line in sights goes against every rational fibre of our being. While on the other hand, we have the holy grail, “job satisfaction”. Knowing that all the effort we put in will be for us and only us. There will be no Tom, Dick and Harry barking over the phone about SLAs and KRAs. It will be us, only us, and our passions and visions. Even just the thought of that brings about a sense of victory, it erases that feeling of foreboding that is ubiquitous with our current profession.

We romanticize entrepreneurship so much that we overlook the pitfalls and perils that are a part and a parcel of every business. We read about success stories and all those glamorised riches to rags stories but fail to realise that people don't write about failures, or if they do, these stories don't become best sellers. The risks involved in being an entrepreneur are immense and there is no scape goat. You have to bear the weight of your decisions. And sub-consciously, we know it. We know exactly what is at stake. The regular influx of cash flow versus the erratic and unpredictable profit/loss nature of a business. This is where our enslavement to our salary holds us back.

We are terrified to get out of our comfort zone. By we, I mean my brethren of average Joe's who are unfortunately sailing in this same rotten boat. We laud and resent our other comrades for their valour. We tell ourselves that such temerity is not often rewarded and we might not be so lucky. But the fact of the matter is, we will never know until we take that leap of faith. And faith is exactly what we lack. Faith in ourselves. Years of unrequited efforts put in for ungrateful faceless men have jaded us, made us cynical and bitter. It has slowly but steadily sapped into our ambitions

Life has been a cruel mistress, and we have yielded to her every whim.

Lets settle this

So, is just me that sees the irony in the phrase "settling down"? Its quite stupendous what turns the conversation takes when you and your friends are a little inebriated.  Regardless of the intoxication, the gist of the conversation was very entertaining. So here is some food for thought

So, while my friends were discussing their future prospects, aspirations and plans, it just hit me. Not exactly an epiphany, but just a happy realisation. With all this talk about "settling down" going around, it dawned on me that when people say "you need to settle down in life now" that is exactly what they mean. Essentially, to settle means to come to a conclusion or negotiate. And that is exactly what most people mean when referring to that phrase. Isn't the conclusion of life, death? Negotiation translates to "You need make certain compromises now, especially with your life-style and some of your aspirations" Suddenly we are supposed to change our whole perspective and put every single decision, even the most trifle ones through a Risk-Reward Matrix. There are certain expectations from these "settled" people. Social conformism has set the rules for it, and they have been set in stone. Give up your creature comforts and leisurely indulgences to live a better life. Thanks, but I'd rather not. Its these indulgences and comforts that add a personality to my life, they make it my own, else it would be quite generic. It might sound shallow, but I don't really care, I like a little decadence in my life...

Isn't it about time someone brings about a paradigm shift? I for one, am not fit to live my life in these moulds set by ancestral prejudice. Why not have the freedom to design our own life, to our liking. Why does it have to conform to a preset, a pre-configured, generic shell, which we have to shove ourselves into? Marriage, children etc, are all defined on the scale of age. Agreed that age plays an important role when it comes to them, but why not the individual be given the liberty to choose? And why outcast him or her when they choose differently? Why jump to the conclusion that there must be a personality flaw preventing them from committing to these social norms?

I do feel that having a family is important. But that only applies to me. I do not judge the people who haven't gone down the conventional path dictated by our culture and society. In fact, kudos to them for sticking it up to the proverbial man.  Life is a pursuit of happiness, and happiness comes from within. So first, make yourself  happy, it only makes sense, no?

I believe, that the generation gap between mine and the previous one is monumental. Development occurred at such an astonishing rate in the last quarter of a century, that it made us very flexible. The information age exposed to global ideologies an made us misfits for the social norms from the yesteryear. Suddenly our perspectives changed, a new sense of clarity emerged which was unfathomable for people for the previous generation, even blasphemous at times. Many things that "they" thought of utmost importance, we now take for granted, and that too, without having any guilty conscience. Life has gotten bigger and shorter at the same time. We have become a lot more greedy. That insatiable hunger to always want more is what drives us. Striking balance in life is not the key. It reminds me of something I read in a book, "The moment we try to obtain balance in our life, is when we kill creativity and any chance of innovation"

"A man is not old until regrets take place of his dreams - John Barrymore" There, that's the secret of eternal youth. Live life without regrets. Easier said than done, but as if that's going to stop me from trying. A mistake doesn't constitute to having a regret. We should learn from our own mistakes, for they are ours to make and the lessons learned from them are a lot more personal, intimate.

"Someone who hasn't made any mistakes in his life, hasn't tried anything new - Einstien" So go ahead I say, try something new.

A Selfish Act of Selflessness

This is my take on the dilemma we implicate ourselves in, when more often than not, the answer is as obvious as gravity that we encounter everyday but sometimes fail to acknowledge is presence.
(Let me warn you, I have a habit of following a very peculiar train of thought and I beg your pardon if I digress and completely miss the point. I'll try my best to get around to it..)

There are different kinds of situations that we humans embroil ourselves into. The most common one is viewing a nice gesture through our cynical goggles. Doubting it and fearing the obligations that might follow if that act of kindness of selflessness is accepted. Not chiding any one who looks at random philanthropy with distrust, I'm sure they have their own reasons for it. I know I have mine.

Everyone carries a certain baggage with themselves which might be a residue from past relationships or experiences. But are all the failed relationships and malicious, virulent previous experiences enough to make us into misanthropes? Is humankind truly a lost cause, with the world festered with enough selfish and malevolent people that the true good deeds are inconsequential? Or are true protagonists as real as a red herring?

I like to believe that humans, by nature are selfish creatures. Our sense of self preservation drives us to do many covetous and at times, heinous acts. This ideology helps me to make peace with a lot of my ghosts from the past. But at the same time, I think benevolence too, can be a by product of selfishness. We like to do things for the people we care about, sometimes there are expectations attached to them, sometimes there aren't.

If we do accept a certain compassion from someone, are we obligated to return it at some point of time? Well, I say, what difference does it make? Compassion is an emotion that is an involuntary response to a situation which one can relate to and has experienced previously. The obligation of being compassionate to another to "return the favour" is a very hollow act, and not compassion in the first place. People can see through these hollow gestures as if to see through a looking glass. And the picture on the other end is just as grotesque, a disfigured silhouette of some one we know. Or so we thought.

Sometimes, I wish was psychopath. (A common misconception is that all psychopaths are serial killers and murderers.) Apart from the infamy that is appended with psychopathy, I think they have it easy; ofcourse, apart from the fact that can't actually feel any emotion. At times I wonder, how it would be, to use emotions like mathematicians use numbers and variables to solve equations. Conjuring up the right emotion at the right time, to suit themselves best. Now, wanting that makes me one of the selfish people out there which I mentioned earlier, oh wait, I said humans by nature were selfish. Phew...
This wishful thinking is the cause of the exhaustion that follows when contemplating whether or not to accept help. The bottom line is that we all are greedy. And to misquote Shelby Steele, most of the greed displayed by us is a sin of thoughtlessness and convenience, rather than that of conscious avarice.

There are certain emotions which are next to impossible to fake; even by the the most vetted psychopaths or compulsive liars. Compassion and empathy being the prime examples. Although they might be expressed and spent with a certain air of selfishness and expectations, they are genuine nonetheless. When it comes to someone you care, you are there for them; when it comes to someone you "love", you move mountains for them. Friends, family, lovers, life partners, all alike, expend these emotions with expecting something or the other in return. It might be as precious as trust, dependency, accountability; or as trifle as wanting to see that flicker of a smile on the other person's face.

The person on the receiving end of these gestures, is weary of acknowledging and accepting them. More often than not, they are just a way of showing that you care, nothing more, nothing less. The key to identifying them is to just reflect on the nature of the relationship you share with that person. Life is too short for thinking that everyone has an ulterior motive. Look at the world with contempt and skepticism and that is all you will get in return.

As the old Russian proverb goes, "Trust, but verify"